Ahhh….the first few excited days!! The first few days when you are way more excited to write than any other work in the entire day.
Yes I am suffering from that too… the only lookout are the days ,weeks later when it slowly starts to fade away. I don’ know if it already has a word describing it.
Keeping aside my pretentious good writing , Pulitzer winning English articles…pun intended… I dive into today’s experience in my language learning process.
So I wanted to do something different , exciting, in between project pressure , so instead of diving into vocabularies, grammars etc etc. I listened and watched Spanish and English song lyrics on YouTube. Now before I reveal the words which came as a surprise… I wanted to say I was always that Barbie movies fan. Who was obsessed with Barbie and fairytopia and Marieposa? Yup… I don’t remember the name but just the words that link to Barbie. So when I saw Marieposa means butterfly…. I was like my entire life was meaningless… just like the feeling when you sing wrong lyrics your entire life and then… bam… your entire life seems a lie. Yes thats the exact reaction I had.
Some other words that baffled me. Me being convent educated meant I grew up singing Christmas Carols( In India , Missionaries and Convent schools, English mediums are the top of hierarchy in marriage list, harsh realisation but I am not complaining my school memories) , So singing Feliz Navidad on the top of my voice was normal from the beginning of December month. Christmas feels anyone… already? Truth be spoken , I never questioned the meaning of it. So when I found out Feliz Navidad is Merry Christmas … I was like Whaaaaaat??? Seriously?? How?? Then after calming down I realized … oh well … I never questioned the existence of many things… no biggie. Similarly Caballo is horse in Spanish and couldn’t help my self from thinking one particular singer. Don’t get me wrong, not demeaning anyone here but can you blame me when I get to know such meaning of words which I am familiar with my entire life. Please don’t kill me.
Anyways, so that was my little teeny weeny , almost non-existence progress in Spanish.
Also can I rant here that I showed my project to my mentor and I mildly expect a call where he shouts and says the film is shitty two days before submission? No? Okz. 😦
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!… A bit late…it has almost faded, the hype and the excitement of the new decade…but still!
So, I did fall short of my target of reaching the conversation level of Spanish so I shifted it till my next birthday…which gives me 4 months in hand. Now this is a rather tougher since I have got my precious final projects in hand. I am sort of excited about how it turns out 4 months later…which is like all my deadlines and target are of 4 months.
I am happy to say, I shifted my focus to the intermediate level of learning, so I am reading short sentences, making my own sentences, trying to converse . It is exciting!
In the end of last December, I crumbled another fear, which is painting portraits. I always used charcoal or digital in fear of making a mistake, now I took the first step to erase that fear! Yayyy!!!
So due to political unrest we had an on-off net shutdown for few days due to which my Spanish language motivation totally took the back seat.
To be honest I am still heavily disturbed with the current situation and for a while I couldn’t focus on anything. Other than that, having no net was kind of refreshing since I am totally addicted to social media, it felt good to keep that cell phone away from me. I was able to completely read an article on Da Vinci, can you believe it… I postponed Da Vinci, that’s like insulting him!!!!
Another minor problem , now that net is stable, is that it’s Christmas time. How can I possibly control myself from listening to Christmas carols. It’s a dilemma, Carols or Spanish videos, obviously Carols won!
Anyways, I am trying to juggle Spanish, my thesis, my illustrations and also read books and also lethargy and sleep of course! It’s too much on plate and tis the festive season. I don’t know it’s the inner soul that jumps in joy and says don’t do anything…just waste your time…lol…that’s what I have been doing lately!
I am officially in the slump mode where I am losing motivation and don’t think I will ever be able to speak Spanish. This year is ending and I can see my days are slipping by with no huge progress, scratch huge, there isn’t any minor progress I can see. I may say here, my study has been very unconventional with time span being in minutes. I think that is a major reason.
On the up side, I just saw a video in Spanish, a conversation with Spanish subtitles and let me tell you I got the gist of what the conversation is about. I do feel happy! It makes me less of a loser. I know , maybe in the long run learning this language may not be useful to me but the sense of achievement do matters. I did come a long way from just knowing Hola!
A new decade is about to start and I can’t ignore the fact that we are growing older, the dynamics of relations are changing, its not just a bunch of students in a class fooling around, responsibilities are entrusted, the fear of getting lost, the fear of being a no one in the crowd is too overwhelming but in the end every individual faces these, some more and some with a little less. In all these , we always try to keep up the flame of hope and passion , that is what learning the language means to me, keeping that flame of passion alive.
Soooo, after various recommendations I finally started with this epic series and I am hooked! Oh God! the mind work and the precise planning is on a different level. It is one of those shows which test your judgement ability because you sympathize with both the wrong doers and the innocent people and this happens because they show you their early troubles life, also you can’t help but realize what the innocent people are doing are also apt in their situation. Yes the empathy obviously lies with those innocent people.
This being said, my initial target of listening spanish audios with english subtitles blew out of the window because I mistakenly downloaded English audios and trust me I can feel the discomfort just by listening to it. Since its dubbed it does not relate very much with the characters and not makes it real. My bad! I tried to download Spanish audios but it does not even exist. I was like….why this sorcery??!!! Anyways I downloaded the 2nd season in Spanish. Hope it proves to be better. *internally cries*.
I have been lately sitting down with my notebook filled with Spanish phrases and try to learn them but eventually I end up scrolling down my insta feed. It is awful when I think about the precious time lost. There are times when it feels like throwing away the phone because I can understand the time that gets slipped by when you just promise yourself 5 minutes of scrolling but it ends up in half an hour or more.
The phone on the other hand becomes necessary while studying because I tend to translate words that I don’t have a clue about. Hence I end up with my net and opening YouTube takes a second. Hence my entire plan of studying evaporates into oblivion.
Thus the cellphone in spite of helping me creates more damage and I have identified with this addiction way back. I am safe to say I have no other addiction but this one is like a huge problem which I can’t shake it off. Its like I know where I am wrong but I can’t help myself with the solution. When I am seriously working or on a deadline, I overcome this problem but not when I have an ample amount of time which calls for some productive studying.
Phew! I think thats it with my ranting about my addiction. My posts are getting more serious day by day. That’s depressing enough!
26th November now holds more memories of shock than just 26/11, it is also a day I lost a friend because of her goodness, I did remember all day since it was her first death anniversary.
Anyways, due to my crumbling motivation of no productive happening for days, I downloaded a Spanish grammar book and on man! , I completed the first chapter in one day… I was like this never happened for any English grammar book, I had my fantasy world to escape to when I had to deal with english grammar…lol! I suddenly want to read more and learn more. Well this is what happens when you do something outside the boxed syllabus.
I have list of books to read due to my thesis and project and I am kinda excited to gain knowledge about art. Huh…things to do when you are literally stuck at home. Is anyone already feeling the Christmas vibes? I mean here its more of wedding season than Christmas, but how can I forget those Christmas carols we sung for years in school. Siiiiiileeeeeent niiiiiight! Hooooolllllyyy Niiight! (I am not Christian though).
Its almost a week that exam are over and I have already starting to feel the loneliness. It’s no new thing, happens every year. Since this is my last holiday in my education life…sigh… I wanted to make it productive. Lol…things are going the exact opposite. I am getting frustrated of not being able to progress in Spanish, I am broke so I can’t invest in any language learning course. I can’t do so peacefully, there is always a distraction lingering in my surroundings. I am frustrated now with so many ‘can’ts’ in my life at this moment!
Today didn’t start on a great note. I am standing on a fine line of keeping my shit together. The happy tone is slowly fading….its hard to keep it real after a certain point of time and how am I dealing with it? By writing it online!!!
I don’t know why I have got this weird obsession, but I am kind of still determined to learn it and I feel great for this little ray of light thats still in there. Mostly I need to prove myself that I am worthy and I am capable to achieve anything my heart gets set into.
Writing does helps!
Just before writing here, I heard a news. Our local doctor’s son expired after battling for days of a cerebral attack. It is a sad news , the picture of him walking by my house to his clinic is being replayed in my mind again and again. Now lets be really honest , it is just for one day. This feeling of sadness, sympathy for his family is being echoed by almost every household but since we are not close, it is temporary. This is very normal, like an everyday news of people dying and we experience a minute of remorse and then we are back to our normal ‘rat race’ life. It is so surreal sort of , this topic that it feels like a different level of thinking. Also how a human being turns to just ‘body’ after he expires. This is another surreal topic, death. Many interpretations has been given regarding this and the level of connectivity we face, everyone relates to it. I sometimes go on writing that eventually it does not make sense anymore.
I didn’t mean to make this post a sad one but I couldn’t help it, maybe writing here will ease my mind.
Back to language. I was learning Despacito lyrics. That song had gone viral and we all have sung gibberish Spanish with just the tune so thought , now is the time to get the lyrics right along with the meanings. Imagine all of us are singing a song about sex everywhere without knowing its meaning…well nothing to imagine here, it actually happened… and I remember when I actually got to know, I couldn’t contain my laughter. Its fun actually!!!
My exams are officially over , down with all shitty remarks of my self- esteem. It does seems like people are ready to attack my already negative self- esteem and I can’t defend myself. Anyways the after effects of viva is still bothering me, but I am now back with learning the language, now giving more time than ever.
So I did mention before about words that I was familiar with but didn’t know the meaning, today I wanna say about my assumptions of different words.
So I was listening to this song called Sirena by Cali y Dandee( please don’t judge my choice of songs in a language I am not well verse with….lol) and initially I had thought Sirena means something related to sound or listening according to the video but two days back I was following the english and the spanish lyrics and to my subtle shock I discovered it actually means mermaid.
This gave me an insight that a word sounding similar to another word in another language doesn’t mean it has the same meaning. Now this common sense realization came late but I actually did know about this because of the three languages I already know but never paid attention to it. Thus when paying attention to minute details, I do get surprised to have this little discoveries and I think these are the little fun we encounter while on this journey to learn the language. I don;t know till now how much I will be able to go on this language journey but I will really cherish this little discoveries for days to come and I am pretty sure it is going to help me in the long run.
So heres my story of how I am mostly using unconventional methods to learn Spanish. I am too broke to get into a language learning course topping it off with no time, and the urge to learn something absolutely free, now’s that has become a sort of challenge. I have desperately spent hours searching on Google play store to find apps that are absolutely free and actually helps to learn the language. Guess who tops the list ? ….. yup Duolingo. The cute little owl mascot which gives you reminder each day, it does become annoying after a while and I literally had to delete all those reminder mails to free up space.
Well, Duo is very popular but I got hold of an amazing app called Tandem. It gives you the ability to speak with native speaker absolutely free. I am glad I found this app. Trust me, I wouldn’t be able to speak the introductory lines just by following Duo and Google translate. Also I can now understand the sentences they write more or less. I made few friends too, which is cool and now I am trying to set up mini goals to achieve. I don’t know how much it is going to work but I am at least taking the initiative. More on this topic later. I think I will start practicing my introductory lines.